What to Accept? Whom to Love?
2 Feb 2018
… this article belongs to Sufi & Bhakti Poetry. Your help is sought in refining these articles for better flow and accuracy. Please send feedback by email. Thanks! :)
Various articles under Sufi & Bhakti Poetry highlight that 'acceptance' of what the Universe presents is the key to experiencing peace and joy. But wait a minute! What exactly is the boundary between 'I' and 'The Universe'? Understanding that boundary is helpful in identifying what all has to be accepted to experience a positive state of mind.

Structured approach: For those who like a rational, structured approach, Advaita Vedanta provides a beautiful conceptualization of this boundary. See Who Am I?.

Fluid approach: For those who prefer an emotional, devotional, fluid and poetic approach, the same answer may be derived by studying poems, stories and real life situations listed below.

Guest House by Rumi

A poem by Rumi (1207 - 1273) about acceptance of mental phenomena:
The Guest House by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

— Rumi

On Children by Kahlil Gibran

Some of our greatest attachments are with respect to our children. A beautiful poem by Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931) that helps us develop acceptance of their life trajectories, their choices and their individuality:
On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

— Kahlil Gibran

Acceptance of Death & Disease

Some of our greatest attachments are towards our own body. A quote from Wikipedia article on St Francis of Assisi that inspires us to accept death and disease:

St Francis of Assisi believed that nature itself was the mirror of God. He called all creatures his "brothers" and "sisters", and even preached to the birds and supposedly persuaded a wolf to stop attacking some locals if they agreed to feed the wolf. In his Canticle of the Creatures), he mentions the "Brother Sun" and "Sister Moon", the wind and water, and "Sister Death". He referred to his chronic illnesses as his "sisters".

Poetry by Rumi

A couplet by Rumi (1207 - 1273):
I have lived on the lip
of insanity, wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door. It opens.
I've been knocking from the inside.
— Rumi

Explanation: Sometimes, we find ourselves in a state of rumination where we think fervidly about our distress; we wonder why things are the way they are, wishing they were different! The resolution to this distress lies in acceptance. The opening of the door in Rumi's couplet is a metaphor for embracing the situation that we face. When the door opens, we are in a state of acceptance of the physical and mental phenomena that we experience. This way, instead of wishing to change some phenomena that we experience, we change ourselves!

Robert Frost puts it as follows: 'The best way out is always through!'

Positive Thinking, Thankfulness, Forgiveness

Acceptance overlaps with positive thinking, thankfulness and forgiveness.

Accepting Loss

A difficult thing to accept is the loss of loved ones. The death of one's spouse ranks #1 in the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale which was developed in 1960s to identify circumstances that are most correlated with mental distress. Top 10 Most Stressful Life Events: The Holmes And Rahe Stress Scale is a nice article with details.

Death of one's child is an even more difficult event to handle. See Three Stories of Forgiveness where parents accepted the loss of their child gracefully. These parents went way beyond getting over their personal grief. It may sound strange but they developed compassion for the individuals whose actions had resulted in the death of their children, embracing them and working for their upliftment!

Embracing Disability

See Mind-Blowing Outdoor Adventures by Disabled and Inspiring Disabled Artists for personal stories and videos of people who overcame their disabilities with elan!

A somewhat comical way of talking about acceptance is: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! :)

Accepting Difficult People

Interactions with difficult people are opportunities to practice acceptance.

Couplet by Kabir:

nindak niyare rakhiye, angan kuti chhawai;
binu pani bin sabuna, nirmal kare subhaw.

Translation:

Keep your critic close to you; give him shelter in your courtyard.
Without soap and water, he cleanses your character.

Eight Verses by Dalai Lama: Consider people who irritate us and make us angry. Two of the Eight Verses by Dalai Lama teach us that we must revere such individuals as our teachers! They provide us valuable opportunities to improve ourselves.

When I see beings of unpleasant character
Oppressed by strong negativity and suffering,
May I hold them dear - for they are rare to find -
As if I have discovered a jewel treasure!

When someone whom I have helped,
Or in whom I have placed great hopes,
Mistreats me in extremely hurtful ways,
May I regard him still as my precious teacher.

Compassion for those who killed our loved ones: Three Stories of Forgiveness contains personal stories of parents who lost their children to violence. These parents went way beyond grief recovery. They actually developed compassion for the killers, embracing them and working for their upliftment!

Compassion for those who are physically harming us: When Christ was on the cross, he had compassion for those who had harmed him. He said, "Father, forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing" (see Luke 23:34). Similarly, when Angulimala was being attacked by villagers, he had nothing but compassion for his aggressors. See Angulimala (PDF) (86 pages, large font) for his life story.

Accepting Yourself

A good friend pointed out that 'accepting ourselves as we are' is key :)

Meda Ishq Vi Tu

Meda Ishq Vi Tu is a composition by Khwaja Ghulam Farid (1845 - 1901), immortalized by Pathanay Khan (1926 - 2000).

The composition has about two dozen couplets (see Meda Ishq Vi Tu). Almost every phrase of this composition has this structure: 'X is You' where X stands for various physical and mental phenomena. Now these statements will make sense if these physical and mental phenomena could be seen in third person, as a 'witness' — meditation helps accomplish this.

Meda Ishq Vi Toon Meda Yaar Vi Toon
Meda Deen Vi Toon Eeman Vi Toon

Meda Jism Vi Toon Meda Rooh Vi Toon
Meda Qalb Vi Toon Jind Jaan Vi Toon

Meri Zohd Ibadat Ta'at Taqwa Ilm Vi Toon Irfan Vi Toon

— Khwaja Ghulam Farid

Summary

The boundary between 'I' and 'the Universe' may be summarized as follows: 'I am nothing; the Universe is everything', where 'everything' refers to all physical and mental phenomena that we get to experience. Developing the skill to see phenomena in third person is a key step towards acceptance. Some kind of meditation technique is necessary for accomplishing this step. Sufi & Bhakti traditions encourage 'Japa' (mantra-based / chanting-based meditation) which I don't understand well. The Buddhists teach breath meditation and Vipassana meditation, which can be used to accomplish the same goals: to see phenomena in third person (awareness) and to accept them as they are (equanimity). Buddhist techniques and terminology are explored under Awareness & Equanimity.

Continue Reading …

Next article in this section?

Personal Experience with Sufi & Bhakti Poetry

Explore another section?

© Copyright 2008—2023, Gurmeet Manku.